Anika's Blog

It occurred to me overnight that you might not be a pushy dick, but someone who has trouble reading social cues. If you just didn’t notice that I’d chosen not to answer your questions then I apologise for being mean.

I think most people will have read my recent answers to one tenacious questioner* as a distaste for banal sex questions, but maybe someone will read the latest dodge and think I’m trying to hide something. Just in case, then: no, I don’t like animals in that way.

While we’re not really on the subject, I don’t love animals either. As a vegan who tries to avoid killing animals, even gross ones like slugs, I don’t know what people are trying to get across when they say they love animals. I suppose it’s like loving rain or christmas? The general presence of non-specific animals makes them happy? But even if you exclude humans, there are so many animals, and so much variety. Maybe that’s my scientific leaning coming through, and “animals” is a perfectly good shorthand for “birds and medium to large mammals, excluding humans” as far as many people are concerned.

* He also keeps asking if my parents know about my work, since I wasn’t specific enough for him the first time he tried it.

Well, they’re all photos from Thursday. I started editing them to post yesterday but thought I’d better go to bed instead.

So, bloggy things.

On Monday I administered my first caning. Hooray, these kinky schoolboy types aren’t all timewasting fantasists! He took it well, I wonder if the marks are still there.

On Tuesday I went to Hen Heaven as usual (31 miles on the bike). The not-awful weather was a relief; last week everything I was wearing got completely soaked and by the time I was due to leave the pad in my tights (which is there to stop my bum getting sore) still hadn’t dried. I couldn’t face putting it back on so I got a lift home.

The weather was forecast to be good for the next few days, so I thought I should try riding moderate distances on consecutive days. On Wednesday I did 53 miles and got home just in time to have some food and go for a sewer tour. Yesterday I did the same route reversed (minus the sewer), which was a lot more fun, partly because there was a rare Easterly wind to push me along at the end. I could really do with some more of those! I ride either North or East of Brighton, and fighting Westerlies for the last 10 miles before I get home is my least favourite bit.

I passed Raystede animal sanctuary near the beginning, so I stopped to have a look around. A parrot said hello to me. I may be cynical, but I reckoned it had it’s eye on my banana peel so I handed it over.

© Anika Mae 2011

Later I had a chat with a mountain biker who was working on the road and was impressed by my hill climbing. I forgot to point out that my bike is lighter than most mountain bikes and I’m lighter than most people so I have an advantage there.

Then I got to the coastal cycle path, put on some music and was whisked into Brighton. It was ace. Oh, and the starlings have arrived!

© Anika Mae 2011

When I got to Brighton I carried on to Shoreham Port and back to make the ride up to 60 miles. It was early evening then and everyone had rushed outside to do whatever outdoor activities they were into. It was lovely. Then I remembered I was supposed to be posting a picture of myself, so you get to see how trendy my riding gear is.

© Anika Mae 2011

Ok, best be off! I want to go to Sheffield Park Gardens today (about 40 miles). I’ve been there before, but this time I plan to take the key for my bike lock, not just the lock, so I can go in.

This post is delayed partly because I’m bad at getting stuff done, and partly because I had a photoshoot yesterday. Yes, a full professional shoot with lights and everything! I’ve been meaning to do another one for years. I should be able to show you something next week, but you’ll have to wait a bit for the set because then the tog’s off to Ibiza (where he’ll be working hard).

The reason that caused a delay was armpit hair. I don’t know about you, but I think female underarm hair is soft and sexy and other nice things, and I grow mine whenever I get the chance. That isn’t often though because I don’t think stubble’s nice, so if I’ve got some I always shave it off for work and it takes about 10 days without shaving to get to a point where I don’t mind people getting up close. I’d never kept it around for long after that either because unless I was seeing a regular who I was confident could handle it, I’d still shave it off.

With the summer holiday lull and being away for a bit I got to grow it out, and then if I wasn’t sure if a client would mind I went along with a razor and asked them if they wanted me to shave it off, but they were all ok with it. That was pretty encouraging, but since I hadn’t decided I was never shaving again and some people do have a hard time accepting female underarm hair I thought I’d better go with the lowest common denominator for that shoot.

I was a bit sad about though so I thought I’d take a picture and post it on Thursday. I was proper useless that day though and didn’t get my camera out before it got dark. I did manage on Friday before I shaved, but I was pretty tired when I got back from the shoot so I didn’t get it all sorted until now.

I hope some of you like hair too. Those who don’t still get a picture of me naked, so it’s all good.

© Anika Mae 2011

So, I’m interested to know how you feel about ladyfluff. I’m starting to think that outside of lad culture, men don’t tend to have the strong negative associations that women (who’ve been conditioned to believe it’s something they need to care about) often do. What do you think? Is it nice, not your style, or does it actively freak you out?

(Oh and I think I’d like to do a small shoot when I’ve been able to grow it back, and it would be nice if the ‘tog got the aesthetic appeal too. If that’s you and you and you’re a reasonable good photographer, get in touch.)

Hello! I’ve decided to have a go at shorter bookings. At the moment they’re available on the same basis as 90 minute bookings, but conditions and prices may change or they could disappear all together, so get in there if you’re interested. See my Rates page for details.

That’s the announcement bit. Below is what I’m thinking.

It’s still weighted towards 1.5+ hours and especially against the single hour, because I’ve done a few of those and I thought the timing was weird. I had to leave as soon as my client had come and I think proper sex should end with some snuggling. Half an hour is a different thing altogether and I’ll have to see how that goes for me, but if you don’t mind paying £120 I don’t mind trying it out.

When I started work I was basically cool with the sex for cash thing. More than cool actually, I thought it was brilliant and the whole thing turned me on. There was a bit of snobbiness/insecurity though which I suspect is quite common, in that I thought if I was going to shag any one person for money it had to be enough money. Enough is quite arbitrary, and in my case it came from the champagne bar where I got started. It was £400ish to take me out, and I wasn’t charging by time but found that two hours was about right, so I put down £400 for two hours. I don’t know if that would have worked as well in Brighton as it did in Copenhagen because I soon got impatient (it seemed like a long time but was probably less than a week) and went down to £300, which was more in line with general rates. I’d like to think that by being in contact with other hookers I soon got over myself as far as enough was concerned, but I stuck with the two hour minimum because it worked for me and because at the time I didn’t like to do more than one booking a day so it made sense to go for longer ones.

Now I don’t find bookings as emotionally demanding and I like the odd day when I get three. (That’s probably disappointing for some people, but it’s still easy to be my first client of the day and if that’s what you’re after please just tell me rather than trying to book me when I’m going to be half-asleep.) I started offering 90 minutes at some point when I realised that was a pretty good booking length but didn’t bother with the single hours because as I said, I’m not sure about them. I never really considered half hours because to fit with my existing pricing and the way I work they’d need to be pretty expensive, but other ladies have told me that they set a half hour fee of £120-140 just so people would stop asking, but clients were interested at that price. So if that’s your thing, go for it. (Just be aware that you don’t get to string it out to an hour, and if you try to make it a GFE rather than a quickie I might have to send you home before I’ve got your trousers off.)

…I was a bit disappointed when I checked a map to see how many counties I covered yesterday. Only two! I went close to Tunbridge Wells so I thought I’d clip Kent, but I just got really close to the border, and then didn’t quite get into Surrey later. It was just East and West Sussex in the end, and most people don’t even know they’re different counties.

That was a lot of miles. I don’t know if not managing to have a big dinner the night before made much difference or if it was those extra 17 miles, or maybe just that I didn’t get home until quarter to ten. From about the 25 miles to go point up until Ditchling Beacon (which is daunting but means I’m almost home) I felt it the most. It didn’t entirely help that I was on country lanes in the dark, although my lights turned out to be just about up to the job and it was sort of fun. I was really happy to get into well-lit house though.

That’s about as far as I’ll ever need to go in a day on the big ride, so I’m pleased I’ve done it even though I’m not up to doing it day after day yet. I think I’ll have to go to the gym and work on my speed though.

Today I went for a gentle spin along the seafront to help my muscles recover and on the way I ran into The Iron Boot Scrapers busking and some very cool small children dancing. (I had a dance myself later.)

It was my birthday last weekend. It usually falls on the bank holiday weekend and I try to figure out where I can go that’s quiet because if I’ve got all my friends around I want to be able to talk to them, but having it at home is a lost cause because Brighton people are mostly too lazy to come to my house. This year (after I think three years of not getting around to arranging anything) I realised that I should be having a day time event. I can’t believe it took me until 28 to think of that. I also went to a burlesque night that some friends were involved with on the night of my actual birthday which confused people, but I still got a good turn-out the next day at one of my favourite cafés and it was lovely. The only problem was that the seating was too comfy and I was too tired to take everyone to the barn dance I’d just heard about.

On Sunday my housemate and I went to our first Mass. We’re not religious, but we like music and incense and things and I think that’s pretty much fine as far as the Church of England goes. The priest welcomed us to the Church and asked us to write down our address (he also asked some other things, but didn’t establish whether or not we believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God in mortal form who was crucified for us and arose on the third day and ascended to heaven). Now my housemate is worried that he’s going to turn up and baptise us, but hopefully Anglicans are too lazy to come to my house too.

Not as exciting as previous years I’m afraid. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like doing Pride in tassels again. It’s fun to go out in them and have them twirl while I walk, but even when I was younger and loved getting attention I still got sick of being stopped for pictures every other moment.

This year’s theme was “out of this world”, but I really wanted to wear the bloomers I’d just made, which tend to look beachy, so,

Summer holidays at Venus-by-the-sea © Anika Mae 2011

Unfortunately the bloomers look like baggy boxers from that angle.

© Anika Mae 2011

You can see them properly here, and the sea! But the picture isn’t that nice.

© Anika Mae 2011

© Anika Mae 2011

I didn’t stay out all night, so on Sunday I took my housemate out walking in the Downs. She thought I’d look picturesque in front of the cows.

© Anika Mae 2011

Pride and Sunday walks. We’re like old people who are still cool.

I hope you all have a nice weekend. I’ll be off to Wales next week so I might not have a picture next Thursday.

I made it around my route, plus a bit extra. About the first thing that happened (4 miles in) was that I hit a bee with my eyelid so it stung me. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds, but I made a detour to get to a pharmacy and that brought me up to 71 miles. I like that number, it sounds pretty close to the 80 mile daily average I’ll be doing in May.

My route was really lovely for about 40 miles, skirting north of Lewes, around Fletchling and Horstead Keyes. I picked some roads with hardly any traffic, lots of great views and cottages and greenery, and the weather was lovely too. I stopped for lunch at Ardingly reservoir and ate too much which seriously impeded my peddling; I’m still working out how to refuel well without filling up. A bit after that I crossed the A23 and the western bit of the route wasn’t so good, partly because I’d forgotten that you can’t trust Google maps when it comes to small roads. Really, it has grassy footpaths labelled as roads, how does that happen? Anyway, that was interesting but made the tiredness kick in, and the roads to get me back to Ditchling Beacon weren’t so nice. I got there though, and then I got up to the top! I was making harder work of it than any other time and wanted to tell everyone I’d already done 65 miles, but I made it and didn’t think I was going to die or anything. Then downhill most of the way home but with no inclination to race down Lewes Road, so I ended my ride with a proper cool-down for the first time. That was good! My legs felt better in the evening than when I did 50 miles.

They felt ok the next day too, but I noticed a big difference in power riding to Henfield. I took the short route back for the first time in a couple of months, so I’ve got a way to go with endurance since I’m going to have to do more than Monday’s ride six times in a row.

I’ve been meaning to write about this for weeks, so here we go.

Six weeks ago I got an email from Friends of the Earth inviting me to do a sponsored ride from London to Edinburgh next May. I thought that would be a cool thing to do but didn’t much think of it as something I’d do. I had my weekly 27 mile round trip to go to Hen Heaven (which my friends were all quite impressed by), and that was the furthest I’d ever ridden in a day, so 480 miles in six days seemed pretty silly. A couple of days later it still seemed daunting, but I remembered that these things are meant to be achievable for normal people and I thought I’d probably sign up. About a week later I did, and now I’m trying to get my endurance up while the weather’s nice! I haven’t been training as much as I’d hoped, but I’m doing longer, nicer routes to Henfield so it’s now 34-36 miles on Tuesday. Brighton-Wimbledon (and then back) is still the furthest I’ve been so far (55 miles), and took hours and hours what with navigation and snack stops. Tomorrow I’m doing my first metric century (and a bit); 66.5 miles, with Ditchling Beacon, nemesis of the London to Brighton Bike Ride, at the end. I’ve been up there four times now and the first was on the way back from a party(!), but I hope my legs can still handle it after 60-odd miles. Think of me at about 5pm!

(This is also a very early heads up to Northern people that I’ll be in Edinburgh in the third week of May. It definitely won’t be a tour, but I should be up for a couple of bookings while I’m there. I’ll mention it again so you don’t have to pit it in your diary now.)

I’m making a cushion cover at the moment. Not really the sort of thing I’m into, but proper big cushions seem to be out of fashion, so I’ve had to buy pads from eBay and make the covers myself. It’s taking ages.

Anyway, iTunes random play just gave me some metal I was into as a teenager, and it’s almost always great when that happens. First, Novembers Doom (who are too metal for apostrophes). They may have been the first death metal band I listened to, because I got one of their albums free when I ordered some girlier metal from their record label. Then I suppose I downloaded some stuff, because I have Not The Strong from a later album. It’s a song where a man growls about how he’s sad because his mother wouldn’t be proud of him. Brilliant. I don’t think emo was a thing then, but they took it anyway and put it in death metal. Right after that I got Vampyre Erotica. She’s going to be super-mean to you because she’s a sexy vampire! Yeah! Being a teenager with sadomasochistic tendencies can get really silly. Now that I’m older with a better sense of humour I enjoy this stuff almost as much as when I was 17.

Oh and speaking of being a teenager AND spookiness, I walked through Shoreham port on my own the other night, which was quite nice and reminded me of when I thought I was invincible and used to go for night-time walks with spooky music on my MiniDisc player. I have to admit I was a bit relieved to get out unmurdered though. I’d only been in there for about ten minutes when I saw a man pointing a small camera at a skip, which was a little odd, but when I got closer I realised there was a hand hanging limply out of the skip, holding a sparkler, and he was filming it. Ok. Almost certainly a couple of people making some kind of low-budget video. Just possibly a serial killer’s ritual. Looking forward and moving on, then!

I went back that way in the morning and there were no bodies or police tape.

I made it to London by bike on Friday, then back on Monday. It took all day, both ways, because I’m lazy and like snack breaks and navigate through towns pretty badly. I’m going to have to get a handlebar mounted GPS navigator or I’ll never get anywhere. I used some of the time on way back to pick plums and watch bee sex though, which is time well-spent.

I did another 32 miles going to Hen Heaven and back yesterday, so I feel like I’ve earned my rest day today! Sorry for not updating for so long, and to everyone who I still owe emails.

Hi. I’m still here. I had a technical problem that stopped me posting a picture last week, and that triggered a bout of laziness. Right now I’m preparing for tomorrow, when I’ll cycle 55 miles for the first time, to get to my sister’s house before we head up north (on the train!). My longest ride so far has been 40 miles, which I did on Sunday and finished off by landing on my crossbar (still sore). I’m getting the miles in because I’ve signed up to cycle from London to Edinburgh next May so I need a lot of practice. I’ve been meaning to tell you about that for at least two weeks… so I suppose the laziness isn’t new. Anyway, things to do.

© Anika Mae 2011

So, it rained. It could have been worse, and the wind wasn’t as bad as predicted, but it was more than a drizzle. Skin is waterproof though, and with my hot water bottle in a backpack I stayed warm. Unfortunately the ride left without me! People had been gathering on The Level since noon (at which point I was having breakfast and wondering if I really wanted to go outside at all), and they were too wet and cold to wait for the 1.30 start time. A few people were left packing things up when I got there, so I waited for them and then we and a few other late arrivals headed off to find the ride. We found them at the end of a shortened route but feeling more enthusiastic and talking to the police about going around a bit more. I made it for that extra little ride around Kemptown.

Sorry if you were looking out for me! I expect it’ll be back to fun and suncream again next year.

Here are some pictures of me that I like from other people’s uploads: One Two Three Four Five Six.

And some others I like. This one amuses me, this is just lovely, I know the boy with the horn and he’s also lovely, I’m going to get some of these pants, aww, wet paint, lol, sweet pigtails, and way cute.

I went to my first camping music festival recently. It’s a bit embarrassing that I’m nearly 28 and hadn’t been to one before, but I’m bad at organising things in advance and also totally square (I’m an introvert who likes to get enough sleep; spending a weekend camping with thousands of people could result in some serious grumpiness).

This year I went to Meadowlands. There was an epic chap-off scheduled between Professor Elemental and Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer and it was only a few miles from Brighton, so I got a pop-up tent and train ticket to Glynde. I think a lot of people stayed away because the weather wasn’t great that weekend, and cheaper tickets would have helped too. It was tiny, but at least everything was in tents so we didn’t have to huddle against the wind. The Bang Said The Gun spoken word tent was a lot of fun; my friend is really into poetry and I’m not really, but we both enjoyed most of the acts; recommended if you’re in London or the Edinburgh Festival. Penguin Café Orchestra were the headliners on Sunday and seemed a bit surprised to get an encore. There were also a bunch of teenagers going crazy at the front towards the end of their set, which was totally adorable. The chap battle was sweet, of course.

Now I’m hoping the rain holds off for the Naked Bike Ride. I did it in 2008 when I was just starting to cycle again, but then in 2009 I sprained my ankle, and last year someone died. Nothing’s gone wrong so far though and it’s only two days away! I also seem to have convinced my friend to by some rollerskates and join in :).

Oh, and does anyone fancy taking me to a strip club? It’s been a while, and since I don’t believe in being stingy in strip clubs I’ll probably have more luck here than asking my friends. Preferably not a weekend night; I don’t like the atmosphere then.

1 largeish block of tofu* (not silken)
A big bunch of summer greens, chopped**
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp dry chilli flakes
1 tsp tamarind paste***, dissolved in a little warm water
2 tsps cornflour, dissolved in a little cold water
Some soy sauce****
A couple of pinches of sugar
Some cooked quinoa from last week that my housemate forgot to make lunch with (it was half a cup dry, or maybe a bit more)

*I get mine from Asian shops rather than healthfood shops (or supermarkets) if I can help it. The healthfood shop stuff is all super firm, which I think people find less scary, but I like the smooth texture of softer tofu. This one is the best I’ve found (but there’s no Kung Fu Panda on the packs in Yum-Yum). Oh, and you’re supposed to drain tofu by squishing it in kitchen towels or something, but I just gently press it over the sink with my hands and hope for the best. When I’m frying it like I did today it doesn’t really matter because the extra water cooks off.

**Leafy cabbage or kale would work, probably chard too. Spinach would be ok but I prefer more robust leaves for this sort of thing.

***Or 1 tsp lemon/lime juice, or 1/2 tsp wine or white vinegar.

****Light soy sauce is better for cooking than dark, and you’re less likely to overdo it.

Chop the tofu into small chunks. Heat up a large non-stick frying pan over a medium-high heat. Put in a tsp or two of oil and tilt the pan to spread it. Lay the tofu chunks into the pan and leave them to cook.

Heat a little oil in a small frying pan or saucepan. Fry the garlic and chilli for a few seconds, then pour in the tamarind water. Leave to simmer, topping up with water if it gets thick. At some point add soy sauce to taste, and sugar if you feel like it.

When the tofu is lightly browned, turn the pieces over to cook on the other side. When that side’s done too, put some more oil in the pan and add the greens. Turn the heat up a bit and stir frequently.

Meanwhile, pour the cornflour water into the sauce and mix it up. Add some extra water if you think you’ll need it to easily coat your stuff. Leave to simmer.

When the greens are cooked (but still green and not soggy, you don’t need to teach your veg a lesson), stir in the quinoa and sauce and cook for a few more minutes.

Put it all on a plate and eat it. Actually, put it on two plates and give one of them to someone else, because this made two pretty good servings.

Brighton and Hove has the largest concentration of mature elm trees in England, partly because the Downs provided a barrier against Dutch Elm Disease, which British elms are highly susceptible to. The disease has crossed the Downs and is being aggressively controlled. If you see a mature tree being cut down around here it’s probably a sick elm.

The elms have been dropping their seeds for about a week and a half. They’ve mostly been swept off the streets now, but in the first days they cover the ground like autumn leaves and drift more than snow. They float through the air and get whipped along the street and into little spirals by the wind. They have a musical rustle whenever they move, and they get everywhere.

I went to see Skindred last night; reggae-metal from Newport. I walked into the end of their set about 10 years ago, when I was almost 18. I was at Rock City in Nottingham for their quarterly all-night club night (until 6am! I didn’t know that happened every week in London then) and didn’t realise they had bands in one of the rooms at the start. I saw about half of their last song, which was entertaining, and then about 7 hours later someone gave me a poster which I stuck to my bedroom ceiling at a wonky angle. I didn’t follow them at all after that, but I picked up an album a few years later and used one of the tracks in a Siamese twins themed burlesque act.

I saw their name on a poster last month and I don’t go to enough gigs, so I got a ticket. I was close to the front during the second support when a mosh pit appeared where I was standing. One of the boys at the barrier jumped in and I took his place so I wouldn’t be knocked over. “I forgot about moshing! It’s been a while”, I thought. Then I realised I was front row centre, which was cool, except in the end maybe not so much. I’m not sure if it’s me getting old or more that I hadn’t been at the front of a sell-out metal gig before. It was yucky, and squishy, and I couldn’t move most of my body most of the time. Being armpit height has always been a bit of a problem there. I kept thinking about asking to be let over the barrier so I could go dance at the back.

Oh well, at least I went. Skindred are still very entertaining (although I don’t think Benji has quite as much energy as he did in 2001). Just don’t forgot about the moshing.

I had my first singing lesson on Wednesday, musical improv reminded me. I’m terrible, as I said before, but I’m sure that with some guidance and practice I can be ok. My teacher was encouraging, but I expect any guide to teaching singing to beginners would have “be encouraging” as every other step. Working out my range was surprising though. I’d always thought I was an alto, but I’m definitely a soprano. I suppose I just never did high notes because they’re more likely to sound weird. (And they do. Fun though.)

I went on Wednesday this week, but the studio is near where I do tap dancing classes so I’m going to do both on Thursday evenings now. Singing! Dancing! It’s pretty exciting.

Thanks to eveyone who’s donated so far. Linda is impressed with my fundraising skills.

I’ve posted a bunch of stuff since that post, so here’s a recap: the hen sanctuary I volunteer at needs money, so I’m trying to get you guys to donate. If you let me know you’re donating I’ll give you stuff. Details here.

Cleo and a buttercup © Anika Mae 2010