Songs it’s impossible to maintain an erection to
People call me to have a wank. Some of them pay me for it, but most just call me up and hope for the best. It’s one of those things escorts deal with.
You can just hang up, but a lot of them are persistent and keep calling back. You can try putting them off by belittling them but it’s a risk, plenty of men are into that. Some of them are happy just wanking to silence, knowing that that silence is coming from my house.
After an especially persistent one I put together a playlist of songs, for those that call while I’m home. I got into it, so it’s longer than it has any need or right to be. Here are the songs I think should put anyone off their stroke:
Dixe Cups - Goin’ To The Chapel
Willie Nelson & Waylon Jannings - Mommas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys
ABBA - Thank You For The Music
They Might Be Giants - Older
Aqua - Cartoon Heroes
S Club 7 - S Club Party
Steps - 5, 6, 7, 8
Hanson - Mmmbop
Avenue Q Soundtrack - If You Were Gay
Ronnie Hilton - A Windmill In Old Amsterdam
The Brunching Shuttlecocks - The Bjork Song
Monty Python - Every Sperm Is Sacred
Bis - Powerpuff Girls End Theme
The Red Army Choir - Along Peterskaia Street
Rocky Horror - Sword Of Damocles
Arrogant Worms - Jesus’ Brother Bob
Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers - Islands In The Stream
Garth Brooks - Longneck Bottle
What do you think? Did I get it right, or is there something on there that you or someone you know could in fact maintain an erection to?
I listened to it last time I was in the mood for a lot of cheesy stuff. When I did, I realised that two of the songs are perfect for the next night I’m performing at (Intergalactic theme). So, the wankers are good for something.
This list would make an unusually themed compilation CD!
Are they meant to listen to the whole thing, from start to finish?
:)
Comment by Simon — Thursday 10th of July 2008 @ 7:46pm
Hmm I would find it hard to stay in the room that had those tracks playing in, let alone getting hard!
Comment by Isaac — Saturday 12th of July 2008 @ 1:12pm
Just play a tape of MPs speaking at Prime Ministers question time…should do the trick.
Comment by Z — Sunday 3rd of August 2008 @ 10:12pm
Ha, good idea Z. Order!
Comment by Anika — Sunday 3rd of August 2008 @ 10:15pm
Good Idea, this list.
But I disagree with “Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers - Islands In The Stream”.
That I could endure, it is the kind of sentimental thing I could evenplay on a date.
Comment by ptr_leeds — Tuesday 2nd of September 2008 @ 6:44pm
Not sure, think I could knock one off to S Club 7
Comment by ChrisW — Tuesday 11th of November 2008 @ 8:40pm