Hey, here’s an announcement that I probably should have made sooner. Sirens, a lovely night at which I’ve twirled tassles for many years, has moved to The Latest Music Bar (ex Joogleberry). We finally have a weekend slot, so if you’ve ever wanted to see me perform it’s a great opportunity. It’s this Friday at 10pm (shows scheduled for 11-12:30) and tickets are £7 (£5 conc.). We’ve got no idea if this one will be a sell-out or not (it’s a small venue), so get your tickets here or arrive early if you want to be sure.
Click below for a taste of the fantastic sights that await you:
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At the weekend Charlie and I did our second stag party duo show, and I think we’ve got the hang of it now. It was a lot of fun and with wedding season approaching we’d like to do more of that sort of thing.
We’re both experienced in burlesque, pole and lap dancing, and being uninhibited perverts. We can put together anything from a cheeky striptease that wouldn’t embarrass your mum (depending how your mum feels about nipple tassles) to something very raunchy (and embarrassing for your stag or birthday boy, if you think he deserves it). Just tell us what you want.
Our duo price is £200 for half an hour or £300/hour. Halve that if you only want one of us, and Vienna might also be able to join us if you think three would be better.
I’ve switched from incall days to incalls on demand. The drawback if it’s your first booking with me I’ll be taking a £20 deposit (I’ll return it if you cancel with reasonable notice) to deter timewasters, but if you’re not a timewaster it’s great.
The rates are the same as my outcall rates (which now start at £250 for 90 minutes), and I’ll be available with a minimum of one hour’s notice. Advance booking is stilll preferable.
Also, my friend Charlie is out of retirement and available for double bookings. She doesn’t advertise so I can’t show you a profile, but she’s a petite Latin lady and we’re very good together.
My site was hacked, I believe it happened on the 21st of October. It wasn’t anything visible, instead a script was added which may have caused your computer to download malware. I didn’t find out until an hour and a half ago, I’ve spent the time having a good clean-up and changing my passwords.
I’m really sorry if anyone’s been affected by this. If you visited my site between the 21st and 26th, please scan your computer.
I’ve booked the room again next Wednesday. The rates are now the same as my outcall rates, starting at £250 for an hour and a half. I’ll be right near Brighton station and there’s an en-suite bathroom, so come and see me.
This is the sort of thing people often ask after I tell them I’m vegan. It’s ok, there are much more annoying responses, but it’s hard to answer (well, what do you eat?) so I thought I’d start what may be an occasional series. Unfortunately I’m starting with a cliché; lentils. Lentils are not just for hippies, I promise. I got this recipe from my mum, she’s not vegetarian anymore but still thinks it’s the best way to do bolognese.
Lentil bolognese is good for cooking a big batch of, which I like doing mostly because I like big pots and ladels. When I went to Portugal for a field trip a couple of years ago, dinner each night was a set menu at one of the local restaurants. They were all very nice but not vegan-friendly at all, so after making the best of it for a couple of days I bought some stuff and made use of the kitchen while the group went for dinner. There were lots of catering-size pans and I thought some of the others would want some of my food for lunch, so I made a huge pot of lentil and chickpea curry stew. It was still cooking when they got back and I was doing my homework in the kitchen. People would wander in and immediately give the pot a stir, there’s just something about it.
I crave a bigger pot, but I have one that makes about 10 servings and I should be happy with that, so this is what I put in it:
Four medium onions
Half a bulb of garlic (cloves peeled and very coarsely chopped)
A bit of chilli (flakes, but any kind works)
Four or five bell peppers of various colours
Oil
Water
Two tins of tomatoes
Dry red lentils (err, about three cups?)
A glass or two of red wine (if you skip this you should probably add some stock or soy sauce or something)
Plenty of dried Italian herbs
Some tomato puree
A bit of salt
Fry the onion, garlic and peppers (and chilli if you’re not using powder) until soft.
Add the tinned tomatoes, lentils and plenty of water.
Simmer for about an hour until it’s mush, topping up with water so that it stays liquid enough not to stick. Add all the other ingredients while it’s simmering. Leave the tomato puree until it’s about done and then add to taste.
Serve with spaghetti or something.
Freeze the rest in single-serving takeaway boxes for when you can’t be bothered to cook.
Good news for those of you who prefer incalls, I have use of a room near Brighton station this Friday and if all goes well I plan to book it for a day about once every week.
If this becomes regular I intend to use the same rates as I do for outcalls, but for this week I’ll charge £20 an hour less, so it’ll be:
90 minutes: £220
Two hours: £260
Subsequent hours: £80
If you want to book, please call me between noon and midnight or email me.
Incalls are only available on Friday this week and no other dates have been decided yet.
Dear Nigel/Anonymous/Jez,
Yes, you’re being censored. I thought the string of positive comments were just there to create links to your websites, when I realised that none of the websites existed I decided it was a bit weird but not worth deleting. The Christianity = good, Islam = bad ones were also quite odd, I thought my site had been linked somewhere that was sending in bored teenagers. When you came in with negative personal comments I had a look at the IPs and realised one person apparently wrote all those comments. Please get your own blog, or maybe a Twitter.
People call me to have a wank. Some of them pay me for it, but most just call me up and hope for the best. It’s one of those things escorts deal with.
You can just hang up, but a lot of them are persistent and keep calling back. You can try putting them off by belittling them but it’s a risk, plenty of men are into that. Some of them are happy just wanking to silence, knowing that that silence is coming from my house.
After an especially persistent one I put together a playlist of songs, for those that call while I’m home. I got into it, so it’s longer than it has any need or right to be. Here are the songs I think should put anyone off their stroke:
Dixe Cups - Goin’ To The Chapel
Willie Nelson & Waylon Jannings - Mommas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys
ABBA - Thank You For The Music
They Might Be Giants - Older
Aqua - Cartoon Heroes
S Club 7 - S Club Party
Steps - 5, 6, 7, 8
Hanson - Mmmbop
Avenue Q Soundtrack - If You Were Gay
Ronnie Hilton - A Windmill In Old Amsterdam
The Brunching Shuttlecocks - The Bjork Song
Monty Python - Every Sperm Is Sacred
Bis - Powerpuff Girls End Theme
The Red Army Choir - Along Peterskaia Street
Rocky Horror - Sword Of Damocles
Arrogant Worms - Jesus’ Brother Bob
Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers - Islands In The Stream
Garth Brooks - Longneck Bottle
What do you think? Did I get it right, or is there something on there that you or someone you know could in fact maintain an erection to?
I listened to it last time I was in the mood for a lot of cheesy stuff. When I did, I realised that two of the songs are perfect for the next night I’m performing at (Intergalactic theme). So, the wankers are good for something.
Tonight I signed in to Adultwork for the first time in a while and made myself available for phone sex. I forgot about it until a call came through via DirectChat. I located the nearest vibrator, but the gentleman said he’d given the site a try and decided it wasn’t for him, so he just wanted to use up his remaining credits talking to me. We had a nice chat about tea and things.
Not that I don’t like some raunchy talk now and then, but the alternative was a nice surprise.
Since we were unceremoniously cut off, thanks for calling. It was a pleasure to talk to you.
Please note, I don’t have incall facilities. A few times a year (in theory) I book somewhere and offer incalls on those specific dates. There are posts on my blog promoting my most recent dates, which have passed.
If you’d like to be notified when I’m next planning incalls, you can subscribe to my blog or my mailing list.
I participated in the World Naked Bike Ride at the weekend. No, chafing wasn’t a problem and I didn’t get burned.
Click on the pictures to go to their owners’ Flickr pages.
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If you were traumatised by the last set of pictures (or if you weren’t), I’ve added some tamer naughty schoolgirl/prefect pictures to the performance album, as well as some fairy lights and drag.
I can’t be bothered to put all the tumbnails and links here, so go look at them at the bottom of the album.
Change of plan. I’m back from Istanbul and not going off to Wales just yet.
I’m going to be away for a bit. Ten days to two weeks, from Thursday.
Who’s got time to see me before I go? I’m horny and need something to see me through.
I should write in here more. I’m not good at personal blogging though. I used to be, but I got older and the novelty wore off. Is anyone even interested?
If you are, inspire me. Tell me what you’d like me to write about or ask me a question and maybe I’ll answer.
Incalls went well, I’ll definitely use a flat again next time. Having a week instead of three nights so I could impose a two clients/day maximum was great for me. I mostly managed to leave several hours between bookings and completely avoided burnout. It was also much nicer to welcome people to my flat than my hotel room and having a kitchen was exciting. My first client got some icecream out of the deal. :) Thanks to everyone who turned up, it was a fun week.
Since then I’ve been to see my mum in her new house. Not for a housewarming unfortunately, she’s ill and it was quite worrying for a bit. Things are looking a lot better than they were last week though, and she’s enjoying her new village home.
I realise this is an old meme, but I only just saw Yatta and it makes me happy. So does LOLcat Torchwood Fanfiction for that matter, although I don’t think many of my readers will have any idea what that entails. Or want to know.
I’m in the process of reworking my site a bit. The design won’t change and the text will be pretty much the same, but I want to make it easier to find the information you’re looking for. When I first built my site there were four pages: About Me, Meet Me, Contact Me, Gallery. (Well, Gallery was a subdirectory with four pages in it.) I thought it was cute, and there wasn’t much text on any of them. Since then I’ve added more stuff whenever I thought it would be useful, and I can see how some people get lost.
The main thing is that I’ll split Meet Me into Rates and Availability. Hopefully that’ll make things clear and people will stop asking.
In the interests of further idiot-proofing, I’m thinking of making the cribsheet the first page you land on after confirming you want to read about icky sex stuff, instead of About Me. What do you think, readers?
Is there anything else you’d like to see added, removed, or moved around?
(Apart from that stuff I’m also removing references to doubles, as Vienna is about to retire. Sad times! Get in quick if you’ve been wanting to see her or us.)
I’m in my incall flat now. It’s very nice, come see me if you can.
I don’t have much time free before Friday (some availability on Tuesday only) at the moment, but you can get in contact anyway as there may be cancellations. I’m still available on Friday and Saturday.
Rates are:
90 minutes: £200
Two hours: £240
Then £80/hour.
Don’t forget you can also arrange a threesome with me and my friend Vienna on Friday.
